Recently, I was speaking about best practices in juvenile justice and visions of my mother kept coming to my mind. My work involves me encouraging the adoption of policies and practices that provide youth who make mistakes with a corrective influence to help them get on a better path. For me this means more than convincing courts to stop locking kids up, it involves helping communities figure out how to get kids on track to thrive, instead of just to survive. One difference between those who have found success in life and people who seem to be in a constant personal battle between right and wrong is often the involvement of a responsible and supportive parent figure. When I compare my life and that of my friends with many court involved young people I encounter today, it’s hard to ignore the impact of being raised by strong and loving parents. In my case, my mother in particular has been a huge influence that I have probably taken for granted more than I should. Of course I am aware and try to acknowledge how blessed I am, but when I think about what my mother did for me and compare that to so many young people who are experiencing the juvenile justice system, I have an elevated appreciation for how different my life could be had I been born to a different woman.
In recognition of Mother’s Day, I am reflecting on and appreciating the woman who is my rock and my guiding star, my mother, Rose Washington. The name Rose is quite fitting for my mother and describes how she raised me and my four siblings. Beautiful (inside and out), strong and sweet, but thorny if approached the wrong way. My mother gave us the best that she had to offer – she was a wonderful role model, a God-faring woman, she established high standards that she pushed us to not only reach but to exceed. But when we got out of line (as all kids do), she was there with her thorns to provide accountability and teaching. My mother also spent quality time with us, working and playing and engaging us in activities that would allow us to develop a variety of skills. Whether sports, or scouts, or dancing lessons, or simply chores at home, my siblings and I loved spending time with our parents who modeled for us how to work hard and how to enjoy life. And my mom always provided a welcoming space for our friends. When other parents in the neighborhood were looking for their children, often they could find them at the Washington’s.
The world today is a lot more complex. Advancements in technology and communication have influenced a fast-food, microwave world in which people seem to expect everything to happen with the snap of a finger. Smart phones and social media have replaced lengthy conversations. Communication has been reduced to expressing thoughts and opinions within a certain number of characters, punctuated by a number of well-placed emoji’s. Neighbors often do not know their neighbors (I must admit, I only know a few of mine). Everyone’s day is so packed, that we miss opportunities to spend quality time together – and that is a loss of valuable moments when wisdom and life lessons can be shared. Parents today seem to be stretched in ways that makes parenting harder. There are often long distances between home and school and work, and an expectation to work longer hours, and take fewer days off. A lack of jobs where people can earn a living wage that allows them to provide for their families. Fewer extracurricular activities offered by schools, and when they are available, they are costly.
I wish everyone had a Rose Washington in their life, so they could learn how to do their best, but not take themselves too seriously. So they could laugh and play and be nurtured, and learn by example how to love other people. A Rose to encourage them to reach for the stars, but to stop and smell the sweet things. A Rose that would guide them to empathize with those who may have walked a different and less fortunate path, remind them to count blessings, and first and foremost to give glory to God. And a Rose that would be there as an ever present safety net when life’s burdens caused pains.
My mother seemed to instinctively know what research now tells us about what kids need to succeed: a loving and responsible adult, pro-social activities, and positive peers. In my opinion what they really need is a Rose!
Happy Mother’s Day to all those women who (whether or not they gave birth to someone) try to be a loving influence in the life of another.
Tanya Washington is a former civil rights attorney and social justice advocate who seeks better outcomes for vulnerable youth/ Share your thoughts at http://www.justicecorner.com